Saturday, August 27, 2011

I Am Not Ready for Any Funeral...

5 a.m. this morning, my bags are packed and my driver was ready downstairs. I am traveling back to my hometown for the Eid holiday. My phone rang. It was my mom. I thought she would ask me to text her the estimated departure time of my plane. But no. She delivered a straight news,
"Your uncle passed away. 10 minutes ago."
I was frozen. In the recent two years my uncle has been suffering from accute diabetes and kidney failure. But his hard will to survive always defied my thoughts that his health condition was severe. He always laughed, made jokes, gave me advices. He even ran to the E.R. and took care of my mom's admission when she was hospitalized last May.

As much as I thought that I would be ready, I was not prepared to know that he passed away. I was never been prepared to accept that eventually his body could not fight the illness any longer.

I remembered the days when I lived with my uncle's family after my father passed away. I was only 12 year-old. Fragile and confused I was, he tried his best to take care of me. He prepared a glass of warm milk and sunny-side egg with the sprinkles of white pepper for my breakfast, then drove me to my new school. He cracked jokes along the way that I often could not follow as my mind was wandering to the memories of my father and my distant family.

Now that I grew up, I knew that what he did was meaningful to my development. After losing my wonderful father, I did not lose the role model of how a good man should be. My father was like him, successful in his career, yet caring, warm, and funny. I respect and admire him.

In May I went back to Semarang, my hometown. I spent my last evening visiting him. We laughed a lot, as he could always find the funny sides of almost every stories. And he showed me how he did the insulin injection. So light he demostrated it, as if it was a fun game to do. He would never allow us to feel sad or sorry about him.

We chatted until he felt tired and sleepy, and after all the talks about my single status,he left me with an advice,
"The most important thing to seek from a man is his responsibility. If he is a responsible person, he would fulfill his responsibility - as a husband, as a father. He would protect you, fulfill you, respect you, because he understands those responsibilities so well. And don't worry about age. You are 32 but you look very young. You are kind and beautiful. It won't even be a problem if you met someone who is 5 years younger than you and you guys want to tie the knowt. As long as he loves you - and responsibleful about his feelings, his life, and your life, I'd say go for him. You got my blessing."
It always feels great to get a good advice from an old man that I respect.

I always feel that people like my uncle would never die. He is too alive to be suddenly quiet, silent, cold, and burried. He is too exist to be inexist. In fact, I think I am not going to be ready for anyone's funeral. It is always heartbreaking to realize that people I once know is separated to different lives.

Here I am now, on my stopover to my next flight, cannot hold my tears to realize that when I'm back to my hometown, there would be less people I can sit down to talk with. That people, no matter how much we love them, are subject to the end of an end. That we are all going to say goodbye in any way.

Rest in peace my beloved Oom Bambang... You are greatly missed.

Soekarno-Hatta International Airport, Jakarta, August 27, 2011.
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